I think I just lost my manhood. And got hungry at the same time.

A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness

Hell-A Magazine blog number one. Hank hates you all. A few things I’ve learned in my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. Two: I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And three: while I’m down there, it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I’m not talking about a huge’70s playboy bush or anything, just something that reminds me that I’m performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is,  why is the city of angels so hell-bent on destroying its female population?

There’s nothing quite like getting stoned on the very bed that your ex-domestic partner shares with her fiancé. It’s the little things.

Your voice is a shotgun blast to all the pretentious fucks who pollute this once-great city of yours.

You must be looking like Art Garfunkel down there lately.

Well, instead of finding out that your husband was gay, you could’ve found out that he was a…scientologist or something like that. Or a Nazi. Or Al Qaeda.

I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister

Nobody likes you. You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.

I’m a writer. Non practicing.